RArmfield, I pray that God will help you during this healing process. Although the healing road might be long, it's a worthwhile journey. One day, you will indeed learn to forgive yourself and have better hopes for your future. One day, you will know the worth you have and only allow yourself to be treated with love and kindness. May God bless your soul and may Ronald's soul be filled with light so he can become a better man each day. Don't give up! Amen!